#Reflections: An Essay On Loss, Hope And The Start Of A New Journey

I used to love writing personal essays but realized I had stopped doing that (I felt insecure about my writing). I’ve decided to re-start my essay writing (maybe even try some poetry) under the #Reflections tag.

This was my very first blog post and still one of my personal favorites. I’ll love to hear your thoughts and appreciate any pointers you might have. Happy reading!

I’m 9 and its my first day at secondary school. As I saw the other girls running around and chattering excitedly, I was frozen with fear and rooted to the car seat. “Was I somehow given a different resumption date than the others? I wondered. They all already seem to know each other, and they’re so big!”

Just then I felt a warm hand on mine, It was so comforting, so familiar and I relaxed unconsciously even before I turned to you.

“You know even though they’re bigger than you, you are much prettier and smarter than they are” he said. “That’s not true daddy.” I whispered shyly, feeling warmer inside already. “Of course it is. If anyone says its not, tell them your daddy says so.” “But I can’t say so” I said, already laughing at the mock scowl you had on your face, my fear forgotten.

I’m 16 now and its a Sunday afternoon. I just got a call that my name didn’t appear among the shortlisted candidates for my chosen university, and I was devastated. I stand there, gripping the phone and weeping like my life was over; and in the mind of a 16 year old, my entire life seemed truly to have screeched to an abrupt end.

I run to the sitting room and throw myself straight into your surprised arms, and in-between sobs, I’m telling you how its all over and how I didn’t get in! You hold me in your arms, and you’re soothing me and letting me cry all over you. At that point, all I wanted was for you to make it all better like you always did.

And now I’m 19 and have just arrived home from school. I hadn’t heard from you for so long. Just as I entered the house, I met the drawn puffy face of my mum, surrounded by relatives and some strangers. I went to hug her, “where’s dad” I asked, “and why are there so many people in the house?”

I looked at my mum who simply shook her head, sobbing silently, and I knew you were gone. I felt my world shatter right before me. All I could think was that I would never see you again.

Looking back now I wonder like I did 10 years ago; Just how am I supposed to take on the world without you?