My mood right now is weird. It’s been that way a lot recently.
I lost my main work account last month and the bulk of my salary, but that’s not it.
I decided to try harder in my relationship. Particularly in those areas where I’m not comfortable with like being romantic and agreeable lol.
Thinking about my relationships in general and how little effort I put in salvaging or sustaining them is definitely a big part of my melancholic mood.
I honestly don’t try too hard. I’ve being that way forever and I just realized how much that has molded me into being perceived as an unfeeling, prudish, drone, when I’m anything but.
I love the people in my life so much that I know I’ll do almost anything for them, and I want love so bad but after years of not showing it, I don’t know how to show it anymore and I just realized how much it hurts that they don’t see it anyway. How ridiculous is that? How utterly ridiculous and pitiful.
My life isn’t sad. Not at all. In fact I’m quite grateful for so much everyday that I don’t dare ask for more from God. I’ll however appreciate a little direction at this point.
Right now I just want to coil up and sleep and wake up when everything makes more sense.